The War Fought Inside My Head

By Amanda

Ziner collage; addiction

Addiction collage by Amanda

Everyday I wake up with the thought of using. I contemplate whether I should get high or go to work at Zine. It’s a never ending battle that I keep in my head.

I typically get up and go to work but ALWAYS no matter which way I walk from the bus I end up walking past where the U-District needle exchange is (in Seattle). I catch myself checking to see if it’s the day its open or not. Throughout the day I end up asking myself is it really worth it? Then I feel Haylie kick inside me. And I remember why I got sober. And my motivation to stay sober. Then those thoughts of using trickle away.

My sobriety is something I have to work at everyday. Even after these hard 6 months. I have to remind myself everyday that I am blessed to be alive, and to be granted this second chance ( well I guess 4th chance) at life. I have many opportunities open to myself, but only I can grant them. My life would not be the way it is today if I was not sober. To be honest I probably wouldn’t be alive right now to be able to write this. After 3 overdoses and a heart attack in a short 4 month span, to be granted another chance at life is truly a blessing. I wouldn’t be able to do it without my family, Travis, his family and my amazing daughter growing inside of me. I may still have to fight the war inside my head everyday- but I ALWAYS win, not my addiction. Thanks to my sobriety!

29week ultrasound

Haylie Jayde

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